At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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