All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
