Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she peed on how many people?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
