Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
