Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
