Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
