Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
