she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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