You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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