Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
