Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
