he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
are you so shy because you have an std?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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