dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
