come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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