She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
