Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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