I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
