Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
