i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
