He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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