My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
