He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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