Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
