Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
