Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think my fart just growled at me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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