I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
