I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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