Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
