I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
