if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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