You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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