i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just shotgunned beers for America
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
