i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
