he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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