Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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