Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
