I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
