dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
