you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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