guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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