I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
