The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
