Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
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Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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