You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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