she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
