Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
