Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
