You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
