Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so that wasnt chicken after all
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
