Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
