How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
