So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
