Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
