Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
