forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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