He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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