my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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