I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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