Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
