go do what you do best...puke behind churches
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
