I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
