Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
