There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
