I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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