I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
