"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
