I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
