Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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