it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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