My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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