i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
