I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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