Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
