I have demons in me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
